*This post contains spoilers about "New Girl" Season 3*
I spent the better part of my free time last week watching the latest season of "New Girl" on Netflix. And something bugged me about the breakup of Jess and Nick. First, the fact that it happened. But more so, why it happened.
In the course of the episode and their conversation about whether they should be together or not, two particular excuses for breaking up were evident to me. First, Jess's fear that being in love with each other was the only thing she and Nick really had in common. Second, that their dynamic had changed when they started dating and to quote Jess, she "missed her friend."
To begin with, the first reason is almost negated by the second. She couldn't miss being his friend if they weren't friends to begin with, which they were, which in turn implies they have something in common, even if it isn't their current views about what they want from the future. That being said, I can understand Jess's concern about the lack of apparent compatibility between their respective ideas for where their lives are going.
But really though, the second reason for Jess and Nick's break up is the one that I have the problem with. To review, they both expressed that they "missed their friend." One's dynamic with a person is bound to change when you go from a relationship of simple friendship to one of romance; it's inevitable as the emotional stakes change. But the idea that you can't be "friends" with your significant other is something I think I managed to mostly abandon by the end of high school. I can remember being a little confused watching an episode of "Full House" when Becky was trying to reassure Jesse about something and said how he was her best friend. That was a strange idea to me, that you could be "best friends" with your lover, boyfriend, husband.
But you can though. I know because I have it with my own fiance. You can be in a romantic relationship with someone and still be friends like you were when you were only friends.
I realize this is a sitcom we're talking about, but it amazes me that I, a recent college graduate of 23, have learned this but these late-20's/early-30's characters have not. As I write it occurs to me too that you don't see much developing friendship in romantic comedies either; perhaps that instance is more related to the overarching plot and run time of the movie, but it still strikes me and it strikes me as a problem. It may not be a glaring, world shaking issue with our views of romantic relationships as a whole, but it doesn't seem entirely harmless either.
I spent the better part of my free time last week watching the latest season of "New Girl" on Netflix. And something bugged me about the breakup of Jess and Nick. First, the fact that it happened. But more so, why it happened.
In the course of the episode and their conversation about whether they should be together or not, two particular excuses for breaking up were evident to me. First, Jess's fear that being in love with each other was the only thing she and Nick really had in common. Second, that their dynamic had changed when they started dating and to quote Jess, she "missed her friend."
To begin with, the first reason is almost negated by the second. She couldn't miss being his friend if they weren't friends to begin with, which they were, which in turn implies they have something in common, even if it isn't their current views about what they want from the future. That being said, I can understand Jess's concern about the lack of apparent compatibility between their respective ideas for where their lives are going.
But really though, the second reason for Jess and Nick's break up is the one that I have the problem with. To review, they both expressed that they "missed their friend." One's dynamic with a person is bound to change when you go from a relationship of simple friendship to one of romance; it's inevitable as the emotional stakes change. But the idea that you can't be "friends" with your significant other is something I think I managed to mostly abandon by the end of high school. I can remember being a little confused watching an episode of "Full House" when Becky was trying to reassure Jesse about something and said how he was her best friend. That was a strange idea to me, that you could be "best friends" with your lover, boyfriend, husband.
But you can though. I know because I have it with my own fiance. You can be in a romantic relationship with someone and still be friends like you were when you were only friends.
I realize this is a sitcom we're talking about, but it amazes me that I, a recent college graduate of 23, have learned this but these late-20's/early-30's characters have not. As I write it occurs to me too that you don't see much developing friendship in romantic comedies either; perhaps that instance is more related to the overarching plot and run time of the movie, but it still strikes me and it strikes me as a problem. It may not be a glaring, world shaking issue with our views of romantic relationships as a whole, but it doesn't seem entirely harmless either.